Nude Photo of Madonna Sells for 37,500 Dollars, Somehow this is News (NSFW!!!)

Look, we're sucking you in with a 5 year old picture! And now we're keeping you here! Woohoo! Our first NSFW post! And by Not Safe for Work, we mean home, office, playground, motor vehicle, or any other place that puts you in a position to commit either suicide or homicide. Or both. So don't click the hyper unless you want the bodies to start piling up. The sweaty, naked bodies.

I TOLD YOU. A nude photo of pop singer Madonna was sold at Christie's Auction House for 37,500 dollars this past week. The singer, who is known to make shitty movies and bang married, disgraced latino baseball stars, took the picture in 1979. The winning bidder, on the other hand, is obviously blind, or using this picture to test the threshold of human will needed to keep from tearing one's eyes out. Or maybe he thought it was a picture of the Virgin Mary naked. I don't know how these things work, I'm NOT CATHOLIC. But I know some of you sick bastards are.

Either way, didn't this guy realize that a naked picture of Madonna is about as common as a stripper with a c-section? Seriously, I just posted the picture below and literally saved myself and all of you 37,500 dollars. But I suppose you did pay for it with mental scars. Sorry, I'm gonna have to go Chinese Dollar Store on you and say "No Refunds" on mental scarring.
Just in case you were wondering, here's a video for an effective cure to unseeing things.


While we're on the subject, I'd like to let all of you know that I also sell naked photos of myself, . Well, it's more like I take a bunch of pictures of my wang and toss them at women from the bed of a pickup truck, but they still have a lot of uses. You can put one in a field to scare the birds away, or put it on your lawn to scare squirrels away, or threaten your boyfriend to use it instead of him, or measure VERY large things with it. I print them 1:1 scale, so I have to use a posterboard. Or three.

UPDATE: These things are selling like hotcakes. Someone get the ShamWow guy on the phone! Stat!

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Chris Brown Assaults Rihanna, Perpetuates Stereotypes

The iGeneration's Ike Turner has finally revealed himself after he assaulted singer girlfriend Rihanna this past Saturday.



Chris "Bitch done Looked at Me Wrong" Brown is looking at 9 years after being booked on Criminal Threat charges against his girlfriend Rihanna "Umbrella" I Don't Know Her Last Name. It seems he got into an altercation with the Caribbean Queen after they realized they shared different dreams, and decided to bring the civilized debate they were having to a close by giving her the old one-two.

While there's no video of the incident, I imagine the altercation was an amalgamation of two scenarios.

Either A.) Replace the gum with Rihanna.


Or B.) Make Kelly black.

A spokeswoman for Brown's label declined comment. Rihanna's publicist, Amanda Silverman, would only tell E! News that the 20-year-old "Disturbia" singer was involved in an unspecified traffic mishap. "Rihanna is well," the rep said. "Thank you for concern and support."
Per department policy, police declined to identify the alleged victim in the incident, which occurred about 12:30 a.m. in the Hancock Park area, apparently as the two were heading home from Clive Davis' annual pre-Grammy bash, where they had been all smiles.
In a statement, police say Brown and his companion "became involved in an argument. After stopping his car, Brown and the woman got out and the argument escalated. The woman suffered visible injuries and identified Brown as her attacker."
By the time officers arrived on the scene, Brown had split.

Update: Not one to dodge his Lowest Common Denominator status, Chris Brown apparently threatened to kill her as well. Suffice it to say, he probably won't be crooning about the minty freshness of doublemint gum anytime soon. Because he'll be too busy getting raped in prison. Piece of shit.

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