Take Another Little Piece Inaugural Edition: Kelly Clarkson -- Breaking Records, Hearts

Introducing another segment where I rant about a new love in my life, specifically the unattainable and famous women that I would bed should they choose to get naked and cook for me.
Hey, I got principles. I don't date no scrubs. This week: "Smelly" Kelly Clarkson (we gave each other pet names). Mine's "You're Done Already?". She likes to call me that in bed.




Cute-as-a-button pop singer Kelly Clarkson will make headlines today when her single "My Life Would Suck Without You" jumps from no. 92 on the Billboard Top 100 to no. 1.

With KellyBear dethroning the queen of Pop herself, I can only imagine Britney Spears was more than upset at the news. How upset, you ask? Considering Britney had the most recent record with a jump from 96 to no. 1 last year, I imagine it's not as bad as when they made her quit eating ice cream with a ladle, but worse than when they took away her children and gave them to a walking sack of FAIL.

Britney Spears, upon hearing the news that Kelly Clarkson had broken her record:

"It's aight, y'all. I don't own no records, just some cd's and one mixtape that Justin made for me. It's got Leann Rimes on it! How do I live! Hold on, I'll get it. HOW DO I LIVE??!! Damn it, can I get an auto-tuner in here or some bacon wraps or something?"

Sorry Britney, I guess the world is going to need something more from you than not-as-clever-as-you-first-think song titles. Looks like they need actual talent, nay I say -- an idol?

And considering KellyBear took the title of her single from something I screamed outside her window when I was drunk one night, I'd say she hit the nail on the head. You're welcome babe. It's okay that you've got the hands of a midget, I'll look past that. It only makes it look bigger.

Kelly Clarkson Upsets Britney's Record

I can't actually embed the video here, so here's a grown adult man with his sweater collar popped singing it on the edge of a bed or something.