The Day the Music Died: 50th Anniversary Reunion Tour!

50 years ago to the day, music died. But don't worry, like a phoenix flying headfirst into the burning sun, it was reborn. But it still had to die in a fiery plane crash first.

Namesakes of the classic Don Mclean power ballad American Pie, Richie Valens, the Big Bopper, and Buddy Holly all met their maker in that big recording studio in the sky 50 years ago today. I remember where I was when it happened, back in 1959. Why, I was but a twinkle in my mother's dormant ovaries, and but a small undeveloped flagella in my father's testicles.

I can't help but try to just think about the world without these three men:

1.) If Buddy Holly's father pulled out, then our lives would be devoid of Weezer, pseudo-intellectual glasses, and Weezer. Okay, it wouldn't be that bad.

2.) If Richie Valens' mother swallowed, where would white people get their impression of the music that Hispanics like? And what about Lou Diamond Phillips? We'd never have been graced with his presence. Cal-coo-lus (if you know what I'm talking about, you're cool.)

3.) If the Big Bopper's mom had taken a Plan B, then wait a minute -- he's white? The Big Bopper is a white guy? What the fuck? I thought he was black.

I thought it was an equal-opportunity plane crash. This changes everything. My whole life is a fucking lie. I had no idea chantilly lace was sung by a crusty white guy.

In the end, without these three we would have never had Don Mclean's classic that refuses to go away, even going so far as to show up in shitty Chevrolet commercials just because it says 'Chevy' in the song. FUCK YOU, CHEVROLET.

And if we never had that song, then we'd never have a movie that shared the same name. So there you go: without these three, we'd never have seen a dude fuck the shit out of a pie. Thanks, Holy Trinity of Rock!

I think my point is that, even though we never got to know each other, I miss you, and I can honestly say that what you did for Rock and Roll will never be forgotten. And through all the bullshit that they play on the radio, I'm glad that I can always go back to you three (okay, two -- sorry Big Bopper, I don't like you) for some good old fashioned rock and roll.

Say Hi to lynyrd Skynrnynrnd for me in that big plane crash in the sky.

This is probably the best thing to come out of the whole ordeal anyway. I can't imagine life without this video.