Grammys (Grammies?) Were Last Night: This Week's Who-Gives-A-Shit

I didn't watch the Grammys last night, because I try to keep my journalistic integrity intact, and I don't want the bias of mass media impeding on my lyrical criticisms of the genre. Oh, and I was watching Ace Ventura 2.

So I looked up the winners, and let me tell you, were there some surprises! Given that there are 110 categories, and I'm not nearly douchey enough to list them all, especially since all 8 of you that read this shit probably don't care, I'm only going to list the most important ones. Or at least those that I find most important, which are none, but whatever, here we go.

Record of the Year -- Robert Plant and Allison Krauss for "Please Read the Letter"
Album of the Year -- Robert Plant and Allison Krauss for Raising Sand

Someone throw Allison Krauss an EDS1275 so I can squint my eyes and think Led Zeppelin won!


Song of the Year -- Viva la Vida by Coldplay.

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, right? And on another note, how the fuck is this category different from Record of the Year?

Surprises of the Night:

Best Electronic/Dance and Best Electronic Single - Daft Punk's Alive 2007, and Harder Better Faster Stronger.

WTF? A 2-year old Album and an 8-year old song win in 2009 just because an untalented hack sampled it and a couple of chicks put boxes on their heads and danced around in their underwear?

Lil' Wayne won the Award for Ugliest MotherFucker on the Planet (oh wait, he won all the Rap Awards, and I've never even heard a Lil' Wayne song). Peter Gabriel won an Award for a Song that wasn't Sledgehammer (Although I'd still give him Grammys for that sweet-ass gem). I stopped giving a shit right after that.

THERE ARE 110 CATEGORIES. That means if you made music in 2008, fuck it -- if you made a noise that changed pitch over a prolonged period of time, you probably got a Grammy.

Other than that, it was pretty uninteresting. Chris Brown beat up Rihanna, U2 sang some shit, Miley Cyrus is somehow still relevant, and Mussorgsky won for Best Surround Sound Album (whatever that means). He's been dead for like 150 Years. Too bad Heath Ledger didn't make any songs.